dippity-do-not-touch-me:

once my sister got rejected for a job at a web design company that she really wanted to work for so that night she hacked into their website and redirected it to her blog and the next day the CEO called her and hired her on the spot so moral of the story: if at first you don’t succeed, hack their website and make them beg for mercy 

jasonregurgitateshisthoughts:

this girl’s sense of humor is far ahead of her age

jasonregurgitateshisthoughts:

this girl’s sense of humor is far ahead of her age

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

gallifrey-feels:

More fun facts about ancient Celtic marriage laws: There were no laws against interclass or interracial marriage, no laws against open homosexual relationships (although they weren’t considered ‘marriages’ since the definition of a marriage was ‘couple with child’), no requirement for women to take their husband’s names or give up their property, but comedians couldn’t get married

It’s Adam and Eve not Adam Sandler and Eve

joanne-the-fallen-angel-of-pizza:

shadows-of-a-fallen-angel:

corporalcrazy:

okay but imagine having a house right on the timezone boundary

"bedtime is 11!"
"KITCHEN 11 OR LIVING ROOM 11??"

"mom we’re gonna be late!"
"nah, it’s at bathroom 5 not bedroom 5"

"man I only got like 2 hours of sleep!"
"well I got 3, I rolled over the boundary in my sleep"

The best (and worst) part would be trying to figure out what time to watch tv

you broke my brain 

supnoah:

when i see a cute couple my first thought is always if they’ve had sex yet

andrewbelami:

prasejeebus:

These jokes are getting out of hand

goodbye

andrewbelami:

prasejeebus:

These jokes are getting out of hand

goodbye

cumsockmonkey:

My mom’s Facebook posts about me are flawless

cumsockmonkey:

My mom’s Facebook posts about me are flawless

phanphanphan:

you know when you try to keep yourself from sounding disappointed and then your voice does the wobbly thing and fuCK

quick summary: willy wonka and the chocolate factory
boy: i hate being poor
grandpa: were going to the fun factory
mr chocolate: hello naughty children its murder time
Me: ah, yes. Home alone. I can do whatever I want!
Me: *turns TV up a couple notches*
Me: *watches YouTube videos without headphones*
Me: getting crazy up in here
©